Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
