She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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