He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
