is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
