I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
