So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize