he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
