I haven't been this sober since birth.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
