Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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