If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
