Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
