If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
