well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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