Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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