Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
