True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
