It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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