im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
