he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
