I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
