Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
