im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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