I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
