he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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