There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
