you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
