You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
