So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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