Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
