I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
