I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
