Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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