Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
