the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He passed out mid-signature
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
