i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
