But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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