Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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