you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
