I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
