It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
