Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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