How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
