He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
