I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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