haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
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