please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
