I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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