I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
