I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
