I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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