My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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