Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
