Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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