and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I take back everything I said about communal showers
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
