A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
