OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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