I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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