I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
