I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
