this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
