This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
