This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
