well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
