I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
