Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
