we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
