Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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