you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
