nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
