sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My liver just had a heart attack.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
